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Here are some strategies for reclaiming your power and self-esteem for the short term: Put your own needs first.
Stop worrying about pleasing or protecting the abuser.
You simply can't allow it to continue, even if it means ending the relationship.
A professional licensed counselor who is trained in abusive relationships can help you navigate the pain and fears of leaving the relationship and work with you to rebuild your self-esteem.
However, the learned behaviors and feelings of entitlement and privilege are very difficult to change.
The abusers tend to enjoy the power they feel from emotional abuse, and as a result, a very low percentage of abusers can turn themselves around.
Although emotional abuse doesn't always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.* The victim of the abuse quite often doesn't see the mistreatment as abusive. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. They try to control the finances and how you spend money. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren't true. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can't tolerate others laughing at them. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want. If you observe any of the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, you need to be honest with yourself so you can regain power over your own life, stop the abuse, and begin to heal.
You start to feel like something must be wrong with you since this other person treats you so poorly.
Begin to acknowledge to yourself that it is NOT you.
She offers science-backed, proven techniques for real, quantifiable change.
Divorce is generally a stressful and unsettling event.